Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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