Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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