I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
