all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
