im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
