I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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