it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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