I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
