nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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