I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
