Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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