are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My bed smells like the plague
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