I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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