When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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