he thought i was a dude.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
