then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
