ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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