Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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