from now on my penis is your penis
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
is it fun? or sober?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize