i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my phone needs a breathalizer
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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