Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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