I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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