Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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