I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
