Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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