Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
