I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
smell my finger.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
