This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
