my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
