Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
