Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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