my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
