I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
