if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Terrible idea I love it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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