He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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