Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
