I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
