I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
