nut hugger
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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