Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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