Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
