I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
