i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
