i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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