my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
