So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize