Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You're like the curious george of whores
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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