upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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