Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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