The maid of honor just puked.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize