one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
