yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
