haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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