well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize