I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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