Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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