drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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