I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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