It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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