Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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